The clock on Alexa is showing it’s nearly time,
To go up to bed and get some shut eye,
So why am I dreading this time of the day,
When all I have to do is get into bed and say,
“Goodnight,” to my husband, “Hope you sleep well,
Is your phone on charge and please do not snore.”
I lay on my side, heave a sigh and turn off the light,
Something tells me it’s gonna be a very long night!

I’m closing my eyes, shutting out the lights of the cars,
Which are driving up and down outside in the dark,
But there’s another light in the bedroom, followed by a beep,
It’s hubby’s phone, it’s not on silent, oh god, I’m trying to sleep!

I lay in bed, still on my side, is it me or is it warm in here?
I throw off the covers to let my legs cool down,
That’s not enough, so I lay on top of the quilt, bottom stuck out,
And then I remember that ghosts could be about,
They can’t move the covers, but they could prod me,
In places where I don’t want to be prodded,
So, under the covers go my legs and my arms,
Just to make sure I don’t come to any harm.

Right, I’m comfortable now, I’ll just close my eyes
And drift into a world of nothingness,
Oh no, what’s that noise I can hear? A warthog and his mates?
No, it’s hubby snoring, he’s laying on his back, oh great.
I tenderly request that hubby moves onto his side,
No response from him, so it’s time to push him
With all my might, I manage to roll him from his back,
I do it quite often, I have now got the knack.  

At last all is peaceful in the bedroom and I’m drifting off
Into the land of nod,
But suddenly I wake with a start, oh no, this is typical me,
Now, of course, I need a wee!
A visit to the bathroom is about normal for this woman,
Who is menopausal and getting older by the minute,
I sit on the toilet in the dark, I haven’t put on the light,
I’m keeping my eyes shut very tight.
Perhaps if I don’t open them at all during my trip,
I can slip back into bed and fall back asleep.
But of course, my plan goes awry,
Sometimes I could bury my face in the pillow and cry.

Right, now close your eyes and let your mind go blank,
Is what I tell myself every night,
But what is it about the wee small hours of the night,
That makes your brain go into overdrive, was what I did last week right?
I think about what I have to do tomorrow, what I did today
And when can I go food shopping and finish my ironing,
I then hear the alarm call of Alexa beeping,
I shout at her, “Forget it, Alexa, I’m sleeping.”

Written by Karen Williams